singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
