I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
