I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize