i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
