I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
