We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
