went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
