Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
