Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
