I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
