I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
