She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize