apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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