I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
