Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
