Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
