Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
