I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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