Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
