You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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