we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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