In the future we'll all be gay
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
