Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
