All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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