I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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