OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize