So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
