No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You pole danced in your parka.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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