Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
