i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
