Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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