i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
