you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
