Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
