ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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