I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
