She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
