Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
