Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
