Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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