He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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