I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
