In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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