Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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