Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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