So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
