I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
