Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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