STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
