Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
