They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
