Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
