They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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