she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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