I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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