I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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