Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
