throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
