Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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