I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
