I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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