i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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