i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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