I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
