Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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