Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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