So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
