I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
