chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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